Life, it seems, is a sweet and salty mixture of victory and defeat. How ironically like trail mix. Mmm. That would actually be good right now. Focus, Sarah. Focus.
As I write this morning, I unhappily burden the bed with all 184.5 pounds of myself. Again. In regards to the number on the scale, I am right back to square one. Last week I had done everything right, got on the scale, and nothing had changed. I let it discourage me, and when challenges arose, I threw my hands up in dismay. When candy and cookies happened to fall into my hands, I didn't resist the temptations.
I also made the mistake of running out of my multi-vitamin. You would not believe the effect this has had on my hunger level. On Weight Watchers, I tend to become a little anemic on just 2 servings of meat a day. My vitamin helps with the iron deficiency. Well, after a week without, I had a very low emotional day, at the end of which, I found myself at a church dinner where ham was the evening's entre.
The kids hardly touched their food, and off they went to their programs. There I sat with their mostly full plates of ham, biscuit, sweet potato, and creamed corn. I had been so busy cutting up food and buttering biscuits that I was no longer even sure which plate was mine any more. So I ate all of them. It was not pretty. I am not proud, but this is the honest truth, and you read this because I tell the honest truth, so there it is.
I am bearing my shamed soul in the interests of non-hypocrisy. This weekend, I told my Sunday School class that the difference between a struggle and a failure was whether or not you decided to give up. I am not interested in giving up, but I won't lie about a certain degree of discouragement. Going to a Weight Watchers meeting is not going to work out because the only meetings near me happen right at the time my husband is either coming or going from work. I am not going to pay $40 a month and not be able to go to meetings.
In addition, I think my medication is making weight loss harder, and though I think I can still do it with persistence, I think I can expect a much slower rate of progress than I experienced in 2010. Let's face it, none of us like SLOW weight loss--let alone SUPER SLOW!
Finally, when I fall off the wagon, I fall off bad every time, because at the root of my weightloss struggles, is my food addiction. I need to deal with this root problem, or I am going to return to square one again and again.
Fortunately, my fellow Pioneers of Good Health--YOU are the bungy cord that keeps me attached to the wagon when I have weeks like this. I may be bouncing along behind the wagon, ignoring the road rash because of the cupcake in my hand, but I'm still there! There's still frosting on my face, but I can see that 3 things need to happen this week, and I'm making myself accountable to you to do them.
1) I need to settle on an eating agenda, and stick with it.
2) I need to find an accountability group that meets once a week, even if it's not WW.
3) I need to discuss my weight and medication with my doctor, and make a reasonable goal for weight loss this year, even on the medication.
Sigh. So that's the bad news from last week, and I am glad to say that the news is not all bad! Last week, I also had a significant victory, a positive change, and a huge lesson in gratitude. I fell off the wagon, yes siree, but I also conquered the curb!