Wii Spit Plus

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Before I launch off into this evening's diatribe, I hope that your turkey stupor has worn off, that the chocolate in your stockings is gone before you make your New Year's resolutions on Thursday, and that everyone's favorite chubby celebrity brought you something from your wish list. For some of you, that item may have been the Wii Fit Plus, the fond topic of today's blog. And no, my blog title is not a typo.

The Wii Fit became a fixture at our house back in August, and though I'm about to pick fun at it a little, I actually think it's one of the most enjoyable ways to exercise I have ever encountered--though like so many other forms of exercise I have tried--relatively ineffective on my form and figure. I used the Wii Fit for almost eight weeks straight, for at least thirty minutes a day, six to seven days a week, and there I was, still within five pounds of my starting point.

However, as if this was not exasperating enough, and to add insult to injury, the Wii Fit seems to have been programmed without any of today's wildly popular emphasis on self-esteem. Yes, every time I step on that perky little balance board, and it urges me ever so sweetly to do my daily body check, how am I rewarded? After I stand perfectly still and do exactly as I am told, it stands my Mii next to a BMI line, which rises to the very, very top of the scale; and then I am informed with out tact or tenderness: "THAT'S OBESE!"

One can really only hear such unfeeling sentiments so many days in a row before losing motivation to bend and bond with the Wii Spit. I mean, hello, couldn't those Japanese dudes come up with something they wouldn't be embarrassed to present to their honorable mothers and grandmothers? I thought the Japanese were into that kind of thing. I think I'll write and suggest some of the following: "My! You're well endowed!" "Bless your heart! I guess we'll see YOU again tomorrow!" or "Please be kind, lose some behind . . ." Any of this would be better than "THAT'S OBESE!"

I'm also terribly unamused by the Wii Spits regular insistence that I "visualize the ideal me." Who exactly is this person? I have never met her, so how the heck am I supposed to visualize her. Well, perhaps I will meet her this year, as I set out to boldly go where I'm sure a few booties like mine have gone before: Weight Watchers. Yep, that's right, tomorrow night at six o'clock, this booty will be in it's first Weight Watchers meeting, and thus, I present to you the Week 3 challenge.

And as it is Sunday, it's time for me to give you my little report card. Not as good this week, I'm afraid. Multivitamin: A- Water: C. Definitely, some room to improve; the holidays threw me off a little, but I'll do better next week. What I've learned is that I have to fill my water jug first thing in the morning, or I'm hopelessly behind in the chug-a-lug department by lunch time.

Well, think of me tomorrow, as I stand on the little scale at the Weight Watchers clinic, and get told I need to lose 50 pounds, when I've spent the last year trying to lose 10. I have to tell you all, I am scared to death of one more round of try and fail. But on the bright side, I have found a way to make the cheeky little Balance Board play nice. Just lie and tell it your 6 foot 5.